Departure

we're leaving for the airport soon... its all happening. every item on my list has been checked off, i've checked in online, and bear is taking the shortest nap ever.

oooooohhhhh boy friends. signin off till we're on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean-

Love Always,
Kelli Leann & Connor Bear

when you wish upon a star....

Three days until we leave and it feels so good….

Words cannot explain how incredibly excited I am. On the Food Network last night Bobby Flay did this hour long special on food in Ireland and I became overcome with emotion, saying to myself “I’m going to be there in a matter of days.” I don’t know why it’s always meant so much to me… its been the stage for my dreams since I was a girl and the history of their ancients has always resonated with my inner truths. Maybe would explain why my son is ½ Irish at least.

Today I got a good start on my packing. Cleaned out the makeup bags, folded all the clean clothes we are bringing, collected the photos we’re to bring, started throwing stuff in to the carry-ons… 80 pounds of stuff is starting to feel like a possibility.

Tomorrow I have payroll work for a client, Tuesday I’ll be getting my mane colored, Wednesday we get up, pull our stuff together and go! Baby’s daddy never saw his son this weekend. He did care to call to tell me so… hes not doing well. My heart aches for him, I know he hates that we are going without him. My success highlights his failures, and though I wont stop my drive for attaining the life I want… I wish him all the success and love. Also, something tells me that there’s a 65/35 chance he’ll end up home while we are there. I’ll keep you updated.

Oooooooo yeah. Only 72 hours till my dream comes true!

i'm never calling Ms. Cleo again....

This time next week C. Bears and I will be boarding our flight to Dublin- I cannot believe it!
I’m in a morose mood though… last night I received some introverted clarity about my (ex) guy and I. This trip means the world to me, and I’m going to wring it dry of experiences but to say there wouldn’t be a sense of sadness included- I would be lying. We’re going to visit his country, his family, the places he grew up… his energy will be abound and it’s me who will have to swim in it. Though I wouldn’t take back leaving him if I could, I’ve come to realize that I have a larger part in our ‘current’ demise than I’d admit. Before we go I have so much to tell him, from the softer side of me that will clear my heart for this trip. A purging of loving truth and forgiveness if you will.
Packing… laundry… getting hair did… visiting the sister… these things are next.

You said it man, Nobody fu*k wit the Jesus!

“Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."

Im having a Dude-like day for sure. The last Monday at work before our departure, and everything is tense. One Lady in the office has always been a bitch, has now elevated her attitude to ‘fucking bitch’ (damn nihilist!)… the temp company and the manager here have failed to communicate to each other in the past week, leaving me to be the barer of ill tidings … I keep telling myself ‘whatever’, that its almost over FOREVER. Im sick of coming to work everyday feeling like someone has stolen my rug… “it really brings the room together!!”
AS far as trip progress is concerned, we got all of our last minute purchases out of the way. Our ride from the airport will be waiting, I have a sitter the first Friday im there so I can go out and cut loose. . Im stoked to get my hair done, get a mani/pedi so I arrive looking fresh, to have cute clothes to wear. I haven’t treated myself to much the last two years, it’ll be nice to be fresh. Now the trick is wading through the bullshit of this life till the day we leave… I could sure use a few Caucasians for lunch.

And the Frenzy Ensues…

Two weekends within 12 days till departure. I’ve never had to prepare for anything like this trip. If it was just me going I’d still be freaking out. I have to pack LOADS of crap for Bear, and currently he’s being counted as an infant which has a restricted amount of luggage we can bring. For checked luggage I can bring up to two suitcases under 70 lbs (70 pounds?!?! What the hell would anyone do with 70 pounds of crap???). For cabin luggage I can bring up to two bags, also a stroller and a car seat. Let’s think about this logically: how am I going to get through an airport to the gate with Connor Joe, a car seat, a stroller, and two large carry-ons?? In the good ole days my brother could walk me to the gate but not anymore…. Thanks A LOT you stupid terrorists. Still on the list to get:
Benadryl
Ear plugs for the other passengers
A new toy or two to occupy the wee one
Various Target items

I keep thinking how much easier this would be with another person…. If Sean was coming as we planned months ago. As much as I know I don’t want to be with him, I do. It’s very telling that I’m making this trip alone; his family sees that I’m not all talk and that I’m different from Sean. The possibilities that this trip holds are incredible and still a part of me is grieving the loss of the old Sean in our lives. But my chin is up; I know that I won’t get to where I want to go without the pain of letting go of where I was. This trip holds so many purposes, the silent and possibly most important one being of rejuvenation. Though Connor is getting christened, his Mom will be reborn.

My Personal Mecca

We have our passports… We have our flight confirmations. We have our heavy coats, mittens and scarves, pajamas and fancy dress clothes. In 13 days we will be boarding a plane that will take us 6000 miles away. On the other side relatives await us, along with 15 years of my dreams. I’m so stoked on checking out the countryside, the megalithic structures, the stone crosses, getting drenched in the rain, looking at the Atlantic from the other side, and meeting the people. Oh the people… most Irish girls here in SF have always coped attitude with me, I’m hoping it will be different over there. And we all KNOW how much I love Irishmen… I’m gonna be a kid in a candy shop, willy wonka style. I can’t wait to get my hands on the WHITE chocolate room! Lol.

And if all of this wasn’t making the decade of my 20’s fan-fuckin-tastic, we’re calling over to Scotland for 5 days to see Jenn, my best girl and partner in crime. Though it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other I know the time will fade to nothing when we see her at the airport. It’s a treat to meet her beau Kev, and look forward to marauding with her out in Glasgow! MMMMMmm, mmm kilts.

There are challenges… flying with Bear from SFO to Dublin direct will be nuts. But who cares- we’re going to Ireland and Scotland!!!!